The great autumn lock-in. Beautiful thing when it really clicks. Lately I’ve been thinking heavy about who I want to be, how I want to be seen as an artist. Killing my ego in certain areas. Took me a long time to get here, but those who know me personally know how much this means. I just wanna be him — not in a pick-me way, but in the sense that God chose me to be the realest. I said I killed my ego, but you get it.

I’m feeling great. Finally seeing the fruits of my labour now that I’m consistent with the music and my career. Low-key I’ve turned myself into a social experiment — how far can I really go if I stay locked in? Where will it take me? This journey is gonna be one for the ages. My confidence is back and I’m not hiding it anymore.

Only thing I worry about is burning out. Hyperfocus has crashed me before. But this time, if it happens, I’ll make it known. No more disappearing when shit goes left. I’ll be open about it. Hopefully it won’t come to that :)

Now for the updates: HEAVEN* is next. Been working on this tape for the longest, always hesitant to drop for reasons that don’t even matter anymore. No more of that. We’re taking it all the way up. Taryn going crazy, Jobe going crazy, Felix going crazy, Gambz going crazy, and me? I’m definitely going crazy trying to take it there.

And to anyone who actually reads my thoughts — thank you. I got something for you. Join the mailing list, ‘cause we’re going real far.

Over the past few months from when I last decided to update this blog, my life has gone through multiple phases. I was in unstable housing after losing my dream flat with my brother, I had my heart broken again, and I’ve felt generally bored and uninspired. It felt as if I’m waiting for Sony Music to knock on my door and be like, “ayo sign this contract for a bajjillion dollars” and everything’s sweet in the end… but sadly, no, that hasn’t happened… yet.

Now that we’re somehow back in September, the great autumn lock-in shall now commence. I’m trying to stay devoted to the craft by just simply doing more than I’m already doing. Being more present within my social life, or actually being human without the need of a phone. I think the worst thing about my current situation is that I’m really sick of my job. I’ve got so many ideas — ideas that come to fruition through other people simply because I didn’t act upon them. It happens every month and frankly, I’m fucking tired of it.

For the rest of this year (and possibly my life) I want to deify myself — not in a narcissistic way (sort of). By this I mean I want to transcend my own life, to really live like the artist I want to be, even if that means making sacrifices I don’t want to make. I can’t work another year of hospitality, having to fake my way through it all.

I’ve been lazy, admittedly — I always have been. I feel like I talk way more than I do, which is why I have to go ghost every now and then. To keep that mysterious aura (that has now been slaughtered by the mere mention of said aura). But no more. All these ideas I say I’m gonna do — I want to look back at this specific blog post and be like, wow, I actually have done a lot since this day. I don’t know, something has suddenly switched and I just wanna know that I’m not doing this for nothing. I probably am. Maybe some more value shifting needs to happen so I don’t feel like this all the time. Or maybe there’s something deeply wrong with me.

Nahhh, I’m just bored.

Anyways, I’ve been working on something spectacular this whole year and I’m almost done. Thank you Sam — if you ever read this, you are my favourite human being. Anyways, I’ve been playing God to feel my (not so) hidden God complex, and it’s made me realise a lot about myself. I feel like I’ve gone through hell and back in this constant game of self-discovery. If everyone in life was given a set of tarot cards to determine their life, I feel like mine would be the 4 of Cups and the Knight of Wands. I don’t actually know what that means, but I know it makes sense somewhere, and I know someone will tell me it does.

But yeah, I’m almost done — and in 2026 we will see something great come from me. Please bear with me. For those who stuck with me, I adore every fibre within you. If you took the time to read this, God bless youu.

17/02/25

The past year has been such a learning curve for me. my Achilles heel is consistency and im tryna make sure that its no longer an issue as i progress through my career. the main struggle is keeping up with myself if that makes sense. i run further than i can handle. dream bigger than the storage space in my mind. live a life larger than mine. and realistically i burn the fuck out. im human but i try to make myself feel like im not. Now im finally in a position where i can just develop my ideas and taking my own pace with things. with life and career. Im currently making my own HEAVEN* right now so i can show you the way i see things. but ima need money so we gonna see. i dont really know whats next but when you start seeing me speak my mind more just know you are in my world from that point on.

My birthday tomorrow and my only wish is to finally step into my power. im tired of being a nobody who cares what people think. I lost my spirit somewhere and i feel it coming back. Ps im done smoking loud man it stresses me out.

IG question: Whats holding you back in life

Anon Answers

Indecision

Not Meditating Enough

Addiction

Vices, Procrastinations. Distractions

Fear, doubt and not enough self confidence

Overthinking

Deep and hidden securities

My self belief

The pack

Perception; My own & others

Myself fr

I think too damn much to be honest, Its one of the reasons that i dont release music. im scared of what people think as if their opinions are like weaponry. i think most artists feel like this. but what annnoys me in my life is the thought of finding a switch to kill these thoughts and move without any mental friction. sometimes its gets real tiring and i just wanted to live life without this stress. But during the summer my life came crashing down. After what felt like a victory lap of a time period quickly turned into the worst period of my life. How quickly life can change in an instance. I was working as a bike mechanic for Lime and i learnt a lot about myself. I like comfort a lot. but wheres comfort gonna get me. Working there made me feel like my father and to be honest id rather die than feel like him. I was at my lowest point. i kept getting bad news after bad news but something keeps telling me to keep going and i dont know why. I think a higher power has put me on this earth to fulfil this mission (a mission im yet to find out what the objective is ).

I now work for god. im not religious, religion is a scam in the 21st century . My relationship with god is personal. he made me how i am and i dont wanna change that. He made me to create so thats what im gonna do without the thought if anyone fucks with it. its for Him , then me , then u.

I sound delusional as hell right now but to be honest i couldnt give less of a fuck anymore.

In terms of music , Synths and samples ( a project ive been working on for the past year ) will be out when i get 3/4 music videos out. Instead of striving for perfection it should act as a stamp within my life so people know how im really feeling. its a light project. nothing too special. however its mine and i love it for what it is.

Im gonna keep working, thanks to those who stuck around all this time believing in me you guys are the best.

right Now

Socialising

I mask up when I socialize. I got loads of different ones but I always gotta put one on if I’m talking to someone new, or even someone who I’ve been around for years when I’m not feeling myself. If I can’t represent myself entirely and unapologetically as I am, then nothing in a social situation is real. Two people, two masks and one dance. It’s all just a delusion to keep the wall between us and uncomfortableness up. That’s why I don’t do small talk, it’s not real

Being sober

yooo so it’s kinda like i can express myself better or i can connect with my true feelings and identity when im on psychs or smoked up, i understand the world we live in better, i feel at home

that being said i try minimise the amount of time i take things and raw dog life sober cuz i’m sure i’ll be able to reach that level of comfort eventually without any help

When working 

Stuck In traffic

like when i’m on the bus going into central or wherever and i’m on the top and there’s so much traffic and i see all the cars and the people and the noises i just don’t feel real

Solo walks outside

It’s just kinda like when you’re out in the big open space with people and things happening all around you it’s just your place really feels so minuscule and being on your own it’s like whether or not I’m here right now everything is still happening things will still continue as normal it’s almost humbling tho yano 

When you have that herd mentality

5 the fact we as social animals tend to seek information from others when making decisions but that forms an unnecessary preset of thoughts, almost as simple biases like crowd tends to gravitate towards an artist/person with more number of people/followers behind them over a lesser recognised/unheard individual who would have better and credible works/reasoning to their views cause of the mob mentality humans are used to. as much as it helps people make decisions easier without being swayed over by other influences 

When Im broke af

When I used to get the bus home from college in the winter  and it was cold and dark

When waking up after a nap 

Wen im asleep

At a job thats not fulfilling  

Working my job 

summer was hard. I had plans. they got ruined.

I had friends that I thought I’d never lose disappear and even writing this is a little hard but these are steps I wanna take when it comes to music me. I had songs I wanted to release but ultimately couldn’t but I didn’t let that stop me I’ve been working.

This new “thing” I’ve been working on is my adhd love baby between the sounds I love the most. synths and samples. I’m not gonna be secretive with it it’s best to keep the few people who will take the time to read these updates on what’s to come.

I’m starting well I’ve been doing so since July I think I can’t remember it’s been a blur since i finished my first year at uni. but so much has changed with me and so much will continue to get better more polished and more in tune with my visions. (I sound like a cunt I promise I’m not I'm just passionate about certain things)

I don’t know if anyone would ever read these so if you are please stick by me that’s all I’m asking. I told my girlfriend today that “I may take a while to do something but trust me it’ll be done to the best of my capability”

This past week I decided to head back home because the stress of London was too much and I could only see it getting worse so a break was definitely due. and what other place do I choose to slumber,  sunny old Coventry. being raised here and out of London can really shape you. being back made me realise the definition of Stockholm syndrome and boy it's not nice, I'm only grateful that I was able to leave

Moving on, settling back in is always the worst part about coming back, my mother has decided to turn my room into a storage room, the room where it all started now succumbed to cheap shoes and suitcases. it only gets worse when my camera breaks and halts my whole promo process is ruined. a bit dramatic I know but that's just me. The plan was to shoot a home video style edit for the first single and really and truly I was stressed.  God bless John from Facebook marketplace with the big ass house who blessed me with two new cameras for a steal. I'm tryna get a house as big as that cus boy his house was bigggggg.

But the stress continues. A deal of being blessed with two new cameras but because they're so old they work like shit and I gotta buy cleaning tape. what the fuck is cleaning tape? shout out to Capitalism and Amazon for getting me that tape the same day I ordered it. 

Whilst I'm writing this and thinking back to this moment I don't know why I let small things get to me. me writing about this is making me realise that these hurdles I've dealt with when trying to make music shouldn't stop I should just keep going. cus the way I was cussing out the world and everyone on it, you would think I've felt the most ultimate betrayal.

personally, I just want everything to go right so when shit doesn't I feel so stressed about things. this is the story of my life and partly the reason why i stopped releasing music for a while

a lot of these blogs are not gonna make sense as I'm just writing about my thoughts and half the time I'm either thinking way too much or the other time I'm just not thinking at all. but nether the less the main purpose of this trip was fulfilled even if I had to spend 300 pounds on this shit when I was planning on spending nothingggggggggg >:(

As I sit here thinking what the fuck am I going to write for this “Blog”. I try to dig myself out of a whole of procrastination and prepare myself for to release music for this year. I find it hard to fully get in the mood but with the help of this blog I believe that it'll motivate me to actually get shit done. 

Contrary to what the title says, this is not a guide but a journal and a manifestation file thingy which documents the moments when I actually achieved things so I can look back at myself and be proud.

the main reasons for not releasing music have been all circumstantial, partially. I was in an opportunity to release music but my brain decided no. that's something you're gonna hear a lot, my brain can be my best friend and my worst enemy and I feel as if everyone's like that and sometimes I feel as if I'm the only one cursed with this bullshit. The reason for it being my enemy is that I can never fully decide whether I like things or not. with this website, I hope people will discover unreleased music and message me to release some and drop some. 

I just want friends to be honest man

enough whining, I'm at a point where I'm prepping single releases which will go towards the EP. you're gonna see an insight into my life with this one. where my life was and how it is now but just know I'm living good :) .  

Before I leave this post, the last thing I want to say is that I hope you all can be patient with me and I will deliver. keep loving yourselves 

H.O.K